In Between
No vision clear, no treasure hunt.
Don't know where life is meant to go,
ten years? twenty? I don't know.
Will I be happy? Will i be whole?
Still chasing dreams or losing control?
Will I be married, sipping tea?
or just a softer version of me?
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I know exactly who I were.
I know the ways I use to bend,
Just to feel wanted, just to pretend.
I know the yes I didn't mean,
The "I'm Okay" that feel obscene.
I played it though, but truth be told,
I cried in corners, feeling cold.
But now I'm done with shrinking down,
I'm learning how not to drown.
I want to say no without fear in my chest,
choose me first. I deserve the rest.
Not out of pride, not out of spite,
But because I've dimmed my inner light.
I want my voice to echo loud,
Not just in ears, but through the crowd.
And yeah, the future's kind of wild,
A haunted maze, a lost, scared child.
But what messes me up the most today,
Is the "now" that won't look away.
It taps my shoulder, says, "You see?"
"Keep doing this, you won't break free"
So I'm slowing down, I'm taking stock,
Rebuilding paths from every block.
I'm hugging this confused old me,
Trying to set that girl soul-free.
Not rushing toward a perfect plan,
Just doing the best I can.
Do I know what the hell I'm doing?
Absolutely not. Just barely moving.
But I know who I don't want to be.
And maybe, that's a enough for me.
